I HATE EFFING GLITTER (written on 9/24)

Yes, that's right I HATE glitter. Yesterday I spent hours folding little girls' shirts and guess what, every single freaking one of them has glitter onthem. Not even kidding. I had it all over my hands, clothes, face, and even up my nose. ICK.

So Cael and Brad are both sick. Brad has the fever/sore throat/tiredness stuff, which is really taking a toll on him. Cael has diarrhea, a high temperature, cough, runny nose, and he's all lethargic and sleeps a lot. I hop ethat either I've already gotten it and it's passed by or that it stays away from me all together. I can't afford to be sick with the house to run, Cael to take care of, and work and school. That stomach flu that I had a few weeks ago knocked me off my feet. I can't afford that again.

I went to a new doctor today, just so that I could establish care with someone in the area. Her name is Diana Brewington and she's a younger woman and very VERY kind. I also wanted to get checked for some stuff like diabetes (since it runs in my family and I've never been officially tested since my pregnancy), my thyroid, and for anemia (since I've been having problems with extreme fatigue). I couldn't do the tests today since they're fasting labs so I'll have to wait until Tuesday, when I'll have time. Luckily it's a walk-in sort of deal so no appointment is necessary.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been really homesick lately... I miss my family... I miss my friends... It's nice to have lots of people on Facebook but I still feel like I'm missing so much out of life... I'm making pseudo-friends at work and in my classes but they still don't beat that one-on-one I can have with my real friends. I miss my girl talk on Sunday mornings with Hanna. I miss getting to hang out with the gang at McDonalds or the SUB or in the hallways of the dorms. I miss going to Great Wall for a Friday night dinner with my family. Living so far away is hard...

Why Yes, It Is Almost 3 AM

Well guess who can't sleep...again... This is killing me and my school work and my job...

Speaking of my job, I'm leaving it. And going to work at Dollar General. Awesome, right? I can't do this commute on random days anymore. I go to Sedalia for school and that's it. I like this arrangement better.

So have you ever had those feelings of absolute hopelessness because of your situation? Yeah, I'm there.

DFS has told me we have no need for child care aid. Apparently we have no need for food stamps either. That is BULL SH*T, if you'll pardon my language. Brad and I don't make enough to pay bills AND pay rent AND buy groceries AND pay for day care AND pay for gas. Freaking awesome. I have to take $150 out of my paycheck that comes every two weeks to pay for day care and that leaves me with enough to... hmm... pay HALF of the water bill. Awesome. Just freaking great. (If you can't tell, I'm kind of mad)

I'm tired. I"m mad. I want to throw something, break things, shout, scream until someone understands.

I.

Can't.

Do.

This.

All.

I need a break. I need a super long awesome vacation where I don't have to have contact with the world at all if I don't want it (which I don't right now but I know I'll have to be around them today). I want "me" time. I don't even get "me" time in the shower. I always have to rush out to take care of Cael or get ready for work or school. I shaved my legs for the first time in a month on Thursday. I haven't done anything with my hair besides put it up for 6 months. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want for just one stinking day. Is that too much to ask for?

Apparently it is because I have homework, work, classes, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, a dirty house, a teething baby with a cold, and a relationship to upkeep 24/7. I'm going to make it like 48/7. That's how this is going to work. I'll make more hours in the day. My body is already doing it for me. It's cutting out that waste of time known as sleep. Thank you body. You're helping out soooooooo much.

Screw this, I have an outline to finish, a test to make up (which I haven't studied for thanks to the list of things I have to do), and three chapters to read in two classes. Oh, and a test I need to study for that's on Thursday.

Life makes me want to cry. How did I get all of this piled up on top of me? I'm suffocating from it, that's for sure...