Special Individuals, A Class That Gets You Thinking

I just printed off a bunch of materials for my classes (forms and such that need to be signed) and I swear I have a few dead trees sitting in front of me... I feel like a bad person :(

My class, Intro to Special Individuals, was interesting today. We watched a movie with a teacher trying to explain to adults what it feels like to have a learning disability. Most of these people in the video were not LD but after he went through the elements of F.A.T. (frustration, anxiety, and tension) it made me see how even someone that's not learning disabled could be discouraged in a classroom. The man took the lesson quickly, gave no praises for "students" that got answers right, dished out rude remarks and sarcasm when someone had a wrong answer, and had most of the people not wanting to answer. I could see this as something that occured throughout high school in classes I attended. When the guy started explaining why these methods of teaching were wrong and gave the point of view of the LD child, I started thinking, have I been like this in a classroom or with kids? I sure hope not, I would feel like a complete and total jerk if I did... He gave options on how to avoid that teacher behavior and encourage LD kids to come out of their shells and feel successful. He also explained the differences in perception between the kids and the teacher. The teacher has had more experience so just because a child doesn't know the answer to a question, it doesn't mean the teacher is more superior and the child is stupid. Everybody needs help some time.

Anyway, enough about class! I'm excited about a number of things at this moment

• I'm blogging! No slobbing around today!
• I got the Apex space for the wedding
• This is a double edged sword though... Not only does it cost a lot already, no one has been around to take my check for the past week... How am I supposed to pay if there's no one to hand teh check to??
• My Business Math class is the easiest class in the world. It's easy to the point of insulting to my intelligence. Thank God I can get an A in something.

Cael is starting to get some sickness :( It involves him waking up coughing and coughing throughout the day. It's a wet cough but it's not "productive." Hopefully it goes away soon... Brad and I have been having sore throat problems and I have a weird cough that comes and goes but neither of us are too ill.

Well, I have to cut off here so i can drive home and pick up my baby boy! Oops sorry, big boy ;)

Back To School, Back To School

Well here I am, sitting in the SFCC computer lab, not doing homework again! ;) Just kidding, I have no homework to do yet and all of my necessary forms to turn in are located on my laptop.

It feels extremely weird being back in an actual school setting. I've gotten so used to the online thing that I almost totally forgot how to act in a classroom lol most of it's easy to remember though. I think I've made a few friends in my MW class. They're pretty nice to talk to. One is the same major as me, the other is majoring in Nursing and hoping to get off the waiting list for UCM. I hope she does! It sounds like she's overly qualified to be in the program.

Yesterday was super entertaining. I got to play Bunco with the ladies I work with. This is my second time going and it has been fun each time! Plus it's a game where everyone wins something. I seem to have the knack for getting picked last for prizes lol but that's cool with me. I love spending time with my coworkers outside of work. They are so funny!

Cael's class has been having a bug going around and I think it finally caught him. He had two super runny diapers within a short time period so he went home with Judy. I don't think he minded being with Dede at all :) I just got a text from her saying that Cael took a long nap and hasn't had a fever or anymore loose diapers. Good, I don't like it when my baby is sick! We've also been through pink eye recently. Poo on eyedrops.

Wedding plans are in full swing now. Brad and I have decided on FBC in Warrensburg, but only if we can use the Apex as our reception space. I'm currently waiting for the call abut their meeting to decide this. The fee for non-members is $900, half paid ASAP and the other half paid after the engaged couples' class ends. If we can't get the Apex though, our budget will be reduced to very little if we stay with FBC. a second option in the Presbyterian church that Judy is a member of. They have a really pretty sanctuary (from the outside at least; it has a beautiful stained glass window) and a small  reception space. We also have to pick out a pastor but since all the pastors from FBC that Brad knew have moved away, we're unsure who to pick. Brad's doing a lot of "I don't care" but I think that's because I always catch him at a bad time.

It's also been hard to pick out bridesmaids/groomsmen. Neither of us is sure who we're going to pick (other than the obvious siblings and such). I'm basing the number of bridesmaids I have on how many groomsmen he picks but Brad doesn't know who to choose for the roles. He's got a lot of options! I'm not sure who my bridesmaids will be even when he does decide on his groomsmen. It's a tough decision :S

Cael has been really talkative. Well, he always has been, just more so lately. He is making whole sentences without being fed lines by someone. The other day I was trying to lay down on the couch with him to watch Brad play Borderlands with a friend of ours. We used to do this all the time before Cael would go to bed. I would lay down on my pillow and he would lay next to me on my arm. This night he pushed away from me and said, "No Mommy. No cuddle." Not gonna lie, it crushed me a little. My baby boy doesn't want to cuddle? I have to keep reminding myself that he's not my baby anymore. As he tells me, "Cael big boy." He has also acquired an affinity for Mario. Monday night, Cael saw Brad playing a game on the XBox and Cael said to him, "Please play my Mario" (He says Mario "mon-nee-no" and it's the cutest thing ever. He also likes "wee-gee," or Luigi lol). He also may be the only kid his age the knows the 1960s Batman theme song. Cael sings, "Na na na na Batman!" when we're in the car. He has Batman sunglasses, Batman pjs, and a Batman cape (the cape's at Dede's house; it's Brad's old cape) :) Birthday planning for Cael has been hard for us, mostly because Cael has to choose between Batman, Mario, Yo Gabba Gabba, Bubbleguppies, and Elmo for themes.

Oh, another odd thing that Cael likes: Rocko's Modern Life. You know, that cartoon from the old Nickelodeon. It's pretty funny to see him giggling along with whatever is happening.

And Cael is pottying! We're not fuly potty-training him yet but he goes pee and poop on the big boy potty (he has an Elmo one from Santa)! He likes getting stickers on his daily sheet at school. He has Spiderman stickers :)

Hopefully since I've started classes up again, I can blog more often (yeah, right, like that will happen). I like having a little downtime and not having to work on my schoolwork at home as much!

Oh Winter... Why Have You Come?

You can tell winter is here. Not just from the freaking COLD weather. Brad and I have both been feeling yucky... Brad is super exhausted and aching. I feel like I was hit by a train... I hope that we aren't sick. We were supposed to have date night tonight... But I don't think we will since Brad is feeling bad. I don't want to force him to do something when he's not feeling good. We always have other days. I just hope he feels better soon!
I've done nothing fun this morning... Homework and watching "The Office." Ugh, it feels so slow...

Oh wait, I fixed the wedding invitations. They're pretty cute now. I tried to upload them to Google Docs to share them here but it didn't work :( The guest list is huge... Ridiculously huge. Like 231 people are invited but only about 215 people will actually be able to come. Wow. Crazy.

I didn't really realize how much stuff went into planning. Especially with the little stuff like favors, music, venues, accessories, etc. Holy cow.

Well, I probably ought to get ready for work...

Wedding Things Are Clouding My Brain

Holy crap, has this week been nuts! Between working sporadic hours, homework, wedding planning, house cleaning, and spending time with Brad and Cael, I'm exhausted! I had two midterm exams this week and I'll have two next week as well, not to mention observations and other larger assignments. Poo!
Today was nice though. I made breakfast for Martha (a long-time friend of Brad's and a coworker of mine) and her family when they came over to move her into the apartment across the hall from us. It will be so nice to have a familiar face in the building. She will be living with her friend Caitlin, who's pretty funny. I've only met her once but she was pretty cool lol She also went to school with Martha and Brad. She had to work so she wasn't there this morning.

I was so stinking productive today! I cleaned the kitchen, the living room, and Cael's room. Cael stayed at Judy's house until about 3 when we went to lunch. Cael and Brad napped and I did a crapload of homework and tests. When we got home from lunch, Cael and I vacuumed and got his race track rug to stop sliding around. I put some rug gripping sheets on the bottom and Cael helped me tape them on. He did a really good job! He even taped on the edges of the gripper all by himself! After we finished cleaning in his room (which was trashed two minutes after the rug was put back) we went to Dollar General and Parkers. Currently Parkers is having a promotion where you get dollar amounts punched out of a game card and when all the values have been punched out, you take the card to the customer service counter to claim your prize. Every card has a dollar amount on it from $1 to $1000. I was $32 short of being able to scratch it off today! I have a feeling mine is the $1000 card ;) but I'll be happy with anything.

When we came back from the store, Cael and I played outside with his big red ball for a good 15 minutes. It was great to bounce the ball back and forth with him and see how excited he got every time he caught the ball or kicked it. Once in a while he looked and pointed up at the sky and said, "Stars! Stars!" so we would lay back on the grass and talk about them for 10 seconds. Then it was back to the ball :)

I've been working on wedding stuff ever since Cael went to bed. Well, excluding the time where I made a run to McDonald's for Brad. McRIB IS BACK :D I worked on the guest list some more and I realized that we have roughly 200 guests, assuming everyone comes. That's a lot of people! I think we may have to find a different reception venue... But maybe not. I'm also trying to work out what accessories we need for the wedding (guest book, flower girl basket, bubbles, ring bearer pillow, etc.) so I can tell if I need to buy them or if I can make them. Luckily, I had a little experience with making boutonnieres for my aunt Carol's wedding and my mom knows how to make bouquets and stuff (she did it for her wedding). I think we can make a lot of things to cut down on cost. And most of the non-creatable things will be bought through Oriental Trading so they'll be pretty cheap. It's crazy to think we have less than a year before Brad and I get married!

I'm ready for October to come closer to an end. This is for two reasons. 1) Brad finds out from KCP&L if he got the meter reading job or not. He's really excited about it too. I hope he gets it because I think he would love the job! And 2) because I can't wait to see Cael in his Halloween costume! He's going to be a UPS man like Papa Shane :) He's really excited about it too! I don't know if I can handle having more candy in the house though... It's tempting enough for me but Cael is ridiculous about his candy. He throws fits if I say no, just like any kid. I just hate the tantrums. Best to avoid them all together...

I can't wait to see what unfolds tomorrow. I'm hoping to get laundry and home work done, plus clean the bathroom. Then all that will be left for this week is our bedroom. Hopefully Aunt Flo doesn't put me out of commission like she tried to do this evening... I felt like I was punched in the gut... Thank goodness for Tylenol, master of OTC pain medication!

Well I'm heading to bed! Good night!

Though technically it's morning... Oh well...

OMG Pain

For quite a few days (since Saturday) I have had an awful stomach pain + nausea. It sucked royally. I tried everything to get rid of it: Tums, Pepto, Tylenol, ibuprofen, heating pad, ice. You name it, I probably did it. And it STILL wouldn't go away. My ultimate solution? Doctor. Again. And she said that, according to my urine sample, I had quite a bit of blood being peed out of me. From this she drew the conclusion that I have kidney stones. Whoa, wait, what? Pretty much what I thought lol She set me up with an antibiotic and a special pain med (which Walgreens did not fill D:< ) and sent me home with a pee-catcher and a strainer so I can go "kidney stone fishing" (my doctor's words, not mine). Sure enough, I come home to use said pee-catcher and strainer and I caught a sliver of a stone! It was super weird and I looked it up on Google just to be sure it was one. It's the tiniest little square I've ever seen and it hurt like a mofo to get out (I actually just had the same pain a second ago). Luckily, I know I'm not dying and that I don't have appendicitis or gallstones :)

Cael has been such a daddy's buddy lately! Brad has been working on a new phrase that has stuck: "Love Dada." Cael also uses this phrase for Dede, GiGi, and Papa....but not Mama :'( But I still get more hugs and kisses from Cael so I guess that counts for something!

Cael is also getting in a new tooth, a canine this time. It's taking FOREVER to come through. It's taking even longer than the molars did! He's going to look so big when he has a mouth full of teeth! It's hard to believe he is 18 months old already... And he talks so much! Today in the car, he was jabbering on and on about something but he was stringing actual words together in a nonsensical way. I can't even remember what he was saying, I was laughing so hard at how serious and important he sounded! But every words he said was an actual word, not just babble.

My classes aren't sucking too bad yet... I'm just not getting things turned in the time I want to. Like I should be working on it right now but I'm blogging instead... Shame upon me. But I enjoy blogging more than homework :)

Good Gracious, Can I Ever Post Regularly?!

This past week has been crrrrrrrraaaaaaaaazy. First off, we somehow ended up getting fleas, though we have no flea-carriers as pets. We have guppies. It just makes me mad that it happened. And our neighbor across that hall, who had a cat, has moved out so maybe they came from her.
The daycare has been experiencing an outbreak of Hand Foot and Mouth disease so my work days have been pretty slow. We have usually 8 to 10 kids out of our 16 enrolled. And Cael caught it as well so Wednesday I stayed home with my poor, miserable boy... His little bottom, elbows, legs, and feet are covered in red blisters and I had even seen some in his mouth, though they've gone away now, thank goodness. Only a few more days until they're gone. He's in a better mood than he was on Wednesday, that's for sure. Cael was also diagnosed with an ear infection on top of that >.<

My classes started up on Monday and so far, they've been going pretty well. They're all "major-centered" classes and I think they'll be really valuable for my current class :) There is a lot of observing that I have to do this semester too.

Brad has been seaching for a new job recently, since his current isn't exactly a healthy environment any more (politics and disagreements among coworkers mostly). He heard back from KCP&L, the electric company that facilitates Warrensburg and the Kansas City area, to take the test for meter reading. Hopefully we'll hear his test results soon!

We had also been saving up for a Wii system and finally, two weekends ago, a deal came up at Hastings for purchasing a new Wii and getting two used Wii games for free. We just couldn't pass it up! We ended up getting $300 worth of Wii entertainment items for less than $200. We've been playing it ever since. We also broke dwn and got a Netflix account (which I am addicted to). It has quite a few of our favorite shows and movies on it, like "Super Why" and "Dinosaur Train" for Cael and "The Tudors" and "Law and Order: SVU" for me. Brad also found "Rugrats" episodes and we have been watching them non-stop! He also found "AAH! Real Monsters!" so we will continue our retro Nickelodeon shows after "Rugrats" is done. Brad has also caught me up on some great comedians too like George Carlin.

Brad's birthday is in 4 days! It's amazing how much time has passed. He'll be 21 so we're planning a little get-together with his friends at our apartment. Brad's mom has said she will watch Cael for us on Friday night and I will be the designated driver/key holder at the party. I'm actually looking forward to it even though I can't drink. We're hooking up a bunch of game consoles to a bunch of TVs in our living room so we can have a bunch of games going on at the same time and no one has to wait for a turn to play. I can't wait! :)

A New Trip To Visit Family

I finally got Brad to come with me on a trip! We are visiting my aunt, uncle, and cousin in Ohio with my mom, sister, and grandma. It's been rather uneventful so far lol a super long car ride + Cael screaming every few hours + my sister = very irritated travelers lol

Today I believe we are going to the Newport Aquarium in Kentucky. I bet Cael will love seeing all the fishies :)

A great thing happened while we were on the road though! Brad got an email from YouTube to have a partnership with them! That means, for every view he gets on his YouTube videos, he gets a set amount of money. Plus it means ads will be put in with his videos so every time someone clicks on an ad (whether intentionally or not) he will get a share of that money as well. Every so often (I think Brad said after he accumulates $100) YouTube will give the money to him :) This is a really big deal because it means he's gaining recognition in the YouTube world. I'm very happy for him and proud of him for making such an accomplishment! I love you Brad! <3

Well I'm going ot head off here so I can wake up said loved man and shower :)

If you want to visit Brad's channel, the link is here! Or you can go to YouTube and type in "TheGoveta" and search for his channel. He has lots of videos of his competitive Pokemon battles and a playthrough of Pokemon Ash's Quest (they are super cool!). There's even a couple battles with me in them! Go check it out!

Weekend Post...The Result Of Procrastination And Forgetfulness

Cael has started so many new things, I don't even know where to begin! Of course, that's my fault for not posting as regularly as I should :/ Oh well.

To Cael, anything on the TV and anything new to Cael requires the question "Spider?" and Brad and I are not sure where this came from. We know for sure that he has seen spiders on one of the video games that Brad plays and in a book of "action songs" which has the Itsy Bitsy Spider in it, but we have no idea why he insists on asking if new things are spiders. It's pretty funny though! And he says "No" all the time now. If I ask him for a bite of food, he hands it to me then snatches it back and says "No!" with that goofy smile of his. And if he doesn't want something, he says "no" instead of screaming his displeasure. I have to say, I prefer no over screaming lol

Well, Brad has finally done the impossible... He convinced me to get my own Runescape account. And I'm not doing to bad with it, surprisingly. I've got level 20 in my attack, strength, and defense skills (which is pretty good considering how quickly I got it). I just really like fishing and slaying :P

Brad has a couple of friends over tonight so I'm going to watch them play Little Big Planet :)

Hating Yesterday, Loving Today, Wondering For Tomorrow

Yesterday SUCKED. No other word for it. Got in an argument with Brad, Cael has a sinus infection, felt paranoid and cruddy because I forgot my medicine, ended up not taking a walk (which threw off Cael's schedule so he cried for an hour before falling asleep)... Thank God it ended quickly!
Today was AWESOME. :)

I'll outline it for you lol

MY DAY

Got out of bed to a little boy who was SUPER happy to see me.

I got a kiss good-bye when Brad left for work.

When I took Cael to school, I found out he was being moved to the tots class today.

I got to take an awesome shower.

I got to shave without a screaming child banging on the bathroom door.

A Law & Order: SVU marathon was going on while I folded laundry.

I had enough money to pay bills and pay off my daycare balance.

I had an amazing tasty lunch: a Boca burger, peaches, and a Slim Fast chocolate shake.

I got to see Brad at lunch time.

When I got to work, I found out I would be letting a teacher in the infants' room go on break.

I got to hold and feed a baby.

I was smiled at by a baby.

I was spit up on by a very cute baby.

I wasn't mauled by the two year olds.

I got many kisses and hugs from "my girls" in the twos room.

Cael didn't cry when he saw me and I was holding other children.

I had a great dinner: Tyson chicken nuggets, McDonalds Sweet Tea, and more peaches (I like peaches)

I went on an amazing walk with a good friend and my good little boy.

I shared a popsicle with Cael.

Now I'm blogging :)

Soon Brad will play Paper Mario or Assasin's Creed 2 (I hope it's the latter!) for me to watch.

And it's not even my birthday yet!

I'm so grateful for everything I have and everything that has happened to me today :) I love my boys, Brad and Cael <3 I am complete today! I look forward to tomorrow!

:D

Today Was A Fairy Tale

Just kidding!

I had a pretty good day with Cael today :) I'm hoping we can keep it that way tomorrow too!

We started out having a lazy morning: watching cartoons, eating breakfast, reading books, and napping on the futon. Then we took a shopping adventure to the Dollar Tree (where the employees have no sense of customer service), Shoe Sensation, and Hastings (where we splurged on a PS3 game for Brad lol). We continued the adventure at Wal-Mart. We went up and down every aisle, since I knew we wouldn't be walking in the evening and Cael was having fun saying "hi" and waving to everyone we passed :) I'm glad he's a friendly kid!

After returning home for a nap and to put the groceries away, I got back to work on my knitting project (a sleeve for my camera since the one that came with the camera was way too small) while Brad played some more on Paper Mario. I was so proud of myself when I finished it! I was glad I had begun a project and actually finished through with it. It doesn't look too bad, but I'm not going to post any pictures of it because it's not the best. It gets the job done though!

When Cael woke up from his nap, we had a small lunch then went to the park with Judy, Brad's mom. Cael had lots of fun going up and down the steps, going down the slide, and running around, yelling at the top of his lungs :) He also met a new friend named Joshua while playing. They got along like they had been best friends for their whole lives. Cael seemed to be asking if Joshua wanted to go on the slide, then Joshua would shake his head, babble a little, and they would both walk over to a piece of play equipment they weren't old enough to climb on. They seemed to be devising a plan on how to manage such a tall and different structure and watched the bigger kids closely as if observing them to gain knowledge of how to move on the ladders and things.

Playing in the park left us wanting ice cream, and when I say "us" I mean Judy and me. So off to Dairy Queen we went. Cael ate two chicken strips and all of the kid-sized fries. Then he showed us a new trick: he can drink out of a straw! For quite a while, any time we went to a restaurant where Cael wanted our drinks, we would hold the end of the straw and drip the drink into his mouth. Well apparently, he had started sucking the liquid out and we didn't even realize it! I'm so happy he's learned this skill because now we may be able to trade sippy cups for cups with straws (better for mouth hygiene).

Brad, Cael, and I went over to Russ and Judy's house after the excursion to DQ and we all ate dinner before heading out to Jane's house (Brad's aunt) to play in the pool. It was really freaking cold in the pool so Cael and I didn't last very long in it. Brad, Andrew, Bryan, Kylan, and Matt (Brad's brother, cousin, cousin's girlfriend's son, and other cousin) played in the pool until 10 pm! Cael and I were pretty tired though so we decided to call it a night and head home. Cael went straight to sleep as soon as I put him in bed lol I preferred to stay up and blog a little :)

But now I'm heading to bed, so good night and sweet dreams!

New Developments In A Current Job Are Hardly Ever Good...

I found out from my employer today that, though she promised me more hours in the summer, she is giving the hours to a coworker that normally works in the infant room... This is making me very unhappy, not just because she promised me the hours, but also because she is now expecting me to pay the balance for Cael's tuition weekly, when she knows I get paid bi-weekly and because I decided not to take summer classes because I was promised more hours. I can't pay the daycare when I have no money and I'm running out of savings quickly and will soon have no money for a wedding either. Money SUCKS.

On the view of my summer classes (that I did NOT take because I was promised more hours), I could be closer to finishing my degree if I would've known she was not giving me more hours to work. One of the teachers in our room had to leave the job (hopefully just temporarily) since her spouse is having health problems and she needs to be with him. Instead of just moving the closing teacher (me) to full-time for the summer, my employer takes a new teacher into the classroom. I honestly have no problems with my coworkers and I am grateful that the new teacher has a superb source of unlimited energy, but I kind of new the hours. I'm hoping that if I can get more hours during the summer, I can start helping Brad's mom out with the bills she is currently paying because we are financially unable to take care of (cable, health insurance, car insurance, phone, etc.) and still have some savings to put away. Currently, my bi-weekly paycheck is delegated as follows:

45% --> Daycare costs
25% --> Saved in case of emergency (helping with rent, doctor visits, car maintenence, etc.)
20% --> Gas
10% --> A month's worth of diapers

That leaves me with nothing left to save toward the wedding. Will Brad and I get a wedding? Sure. It will have to be scaled back like crazy, and we may have to ask the wedding party to pay for their own attires, shoes, tux rentals, flowers, etc. but we'll have one. Thank God I got the dress already... And I absolutely refuse to ask for money from family, because they have enough to pay for, both to support themselves and for us. I do not want to add onto their payments.

Someday, I will be married, own a house, then own my own daycare service. I want to be self-employed doing what I want to do. Then I won't have to worry about competing for hours with my coworkers.

Thank God I love the kids I help teach and my teaching coworkers. Otherwise, I might look for a new job in education... Those kids make my job enjoyable (even if they are crazy and bouncing off the walls). The teacher in the two's room is also awesome. I can talk to her about almost anything and she's either had experience with it and can give advice or she just listens when no one else will. She's a great teacher too. She also has amazing energy, is great with the kids, and has all sorts of great activities up her sleeves. I hope to be as good a teacher as her someday :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, my birthday is in 8 days...and I don't really care. It's not like it's a "milestone" birthday, just 20. I'm kind of hoping I can just get the one thing I want (a Nook Color from Barnes and Noble) and that's the end of it. I don't want a birthday cake, especially not one with 20 candles on it. I don't want to be reminded that everything and everyone is getting older and time is passing on. Plus, there are a lot of things in my life I'd like to forget. Each candle represents a memory, be it one I want to remember or one I want to forget.

I am very thankful that I have Brad and Cael with me. I can't imagine life without them. It would be like not breathing. Some days, I might say I want away from them, that I want a break. But it's not true. I love just being in the same room as them. It doesn't matter if we're actively doing something together, or off in separate corners of the house doing our own things. I love being around them. I love watching them, talking to them. I love Brad and Cael <3

Hopefully the next time I post, it won't be as grim and grouchy as this post... *fingers crossed*

Thank God I Love This Kid Or I Might Have To Drop-Kick Him Out The Window

Cael has gotten into this nasty habit of screaming a high-pitched (girly) scream. It's used for when he's mad, happy, playing, talking, eating, and when he wants attention. I'm TIRED of it. I swear my ear drums are going to burst when he does it.

Tomorrow is his 15 month Well Child Checkup. Hopefully no shots *fingers crossed* I still can't believe he's 15 months old :) It feels like time has flown by. I kind of wish he hadn't grown up as fast, as I currently watch him drip juice onto his highchair tray and spread it around with his hand... What a messy boy he's grown into lol

His habits when he gets angry have changed too. If we tell him no or remove him from a situation where he is doing something unsanitary or unsafe, he slams his head on the ground then finds the nearest portable object and proceeds to chuck it across the room or push it into the wall repeatedly (this happens frequently with chairs). All the while, screaming his high-pitched siren wail.

Our routines have changed as well, which could be causing the mood swings (that and the fact that he's a stubborn child lol). We've been taking nightly walks after dinner which is awesome because we can get out of the house and I can get more exercise in :) I've been losing a lot of weight since the summer started! Most of my eating habits have changed too. Yesterday and the day before were pretty cruddy though because it was two days before my monthlies started so I ended up eating McDonalds and a whole package of chewy Chips Ahoy cookies (damn hormones...).

Cael and I also painted a present for Brad for Father's Day. It was probably the worst idea ever but it was fun while it lasted! Yesterday, my dad, mom, and Natalie met Cael and me in Columbia so we could all go to the Kids Workshop at the Home Depot there. Cael "helped" my dad "bang bang" the nails in until the box was finished lol Then Cael picked out the colors for the box. He actually said the names of the colors he wanted too! My dad bought the little sample paints that come with a brush attached to the inside of the lid. So today Cael picked out the red paint and we attempted to paint the box (attempted being the key word there). He ended up stick the entire brush into his mouth after painting just a few strokes...so I decided we were done. He was not happy at all about this, especially when I hosed him off in the tub with semi cold water. I don't think we will be doing paint again for a while.

I got my wedding dress yesterday as well :D I had an appointment a few weeks back and they had first told me that my dress wouldn't be in until June 20th and it came a week early! It's gorgeous and I can't wait to wear it! The style number for it is V9675 if you want to look for it on www.davidsbridal.com. I love it :) It's my princess gown!

Brad started a Paper Mario play through for me (N64) and I got so into it that I started my own save file for the game. Now I can play along with Brad :) It's great that it's an easy game and he's been really helpful when I get to parts I don't remember and opponents I can't beat.

Well I'm going to end it here so I can watch Brad play Paper Mario (I don't want to miss anything important since I'm almost to Lavalava Island lol). Hopefully you enjoy your days as well!

DUUUUUUUUUDE!

I haven't posted in like two months! What is wrong with me?!?!

Well, I don't know if you noticed this or not, but Cael is turning one year old in six days. SIX DAYS. Am I freaking out? Yes, that's what I do.

Everyone has been well here. Cael has six teeth, is cruising and speed-crawling, and flirts his little heart out when there are girls around. He loves to say "dada," "mama," "no no," and "kee ka" (kitty cat). He also says "bubba" and "Gigi" (Brad's grandma). He weighs around 19 pounds and still has a big head and short body for his age. We're getting a "big boy" car seat for his birthday from Grandma Judy and Papa Russ. He's getting so big that I'm starting to get lost... He's already getting more independent and is hardly ever near me, can I handle anymore growing up? I guess I'll have to...

Brad's still at the copy center and loving it. He also recently (Christmas time) got an iPod Touch which he constantly plays with. He also has a brand new headset (Triton AX720) for the PS3 and is one a clan for Black Ops.

I'm at the daycare now and working roughly 25 hours a week. I love it there! It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than retail in any shape or form, especially anything at Dollar General. The people I work with are awesome and the kids are fun and hilarious. We have bad days sometimes but it's to be expected from two-year-olds. On Friday, we played with snow and talked about airplanes and cars (our current unit is transportation). I'm also taking all online classes and it's going really well so far. Though, it does seem like every week I end up slacking on one class while taking care of the rest. This week I accidentally slid off on my Technology for Teachers class. Whoops! Luckily I got most of it caught up tonight.

I found out on Thursday, when one of Cael's teachers was clocking out for the day, that she and Cael had a tickle fight and he headbutted her and busted her lip. It had swollen up and I felt so bad! She was a good sport though and laughed it off. I'm glad it wasn't anything more serious!

I found out this past week that another manager at Dollar General has quit and one cashier is leaving within a few weeks. The store manager is out "sick" with something that is requiring her to take off two weeks (ish). I remember having to pretty much pull teeth if another employee (or I) was sick and couldn't come in. Lovely how management always gets the best treatment and the employees under them get crapped on.

I figured since I've had a rant on here about my previous employer's poor management skills, I should break it up with some new(ish) pictures of Cael!



Messy boy in the bath





My first time using Picnik (and yes, that is his original eye color!) Looks diferent in black-and-white!




This kid loves him some green beans



Keepin' The Bloggin' Train Goin'

So, with a circulating cold and sinus infections in our house, I blog again.

We've all been pretty miserable recently. Brad, Cael, and I all have coughs in varying degrees of severity. A few weeks ago, Cael was running a fever that varied from 99 degrees to 102 degrees and he had diarrhea for six days in a row. And all the doctor would say was, "Give him Tylenol, juice, and a lukewarm bath. It's just a stomach bug." Let me tell you, I hate whatever stomach bug caused my poor baby to cry that "Momma, I don't feel good. Hold me forever" cry. It hurt me so bad that I couldn't do anything to help him... And then Brad started to run a fever too. Oh my God, it was the most awful thing ever, taking care of my two sick boys and hardly being ale to do anything that would get rid of their sickness. But for the most part we're all over it now. Just coughs left to deal with.

I have new pictures too!

Cael has been doing a lot of storytelling in the past three days. Yet all he'll say is "da, da, da, da, arrrrr, da, da, da." I can't get him to say "ma ma" even once. :( He's been a little stinker about it too. He loves on me and kisses me and only wants me, but still says "da da." (Yes, I am aware that he doesn't identify the syllables with the people, but still, it's the priciple of the thing!)

I'm having trouble picking out a Halloween costume for Cael as well. Brad says Batman. I want him to be something cute, like a caterpillar or a peapod. We can't come to an agreement on it...

My classes are going great. Except for the fact that I keep sleeping through my alarm and missing my public speaking class at 8 AM. That's no fun, considering my classmates have been bringing things in like donuts and Snickers bars. I like these classmates. :)

Well, my days at JC Penney have come to an end as of Monday. I will be starting at Dollar General next week! Hopefully I won't screw up too much ;) I like how the store manager, Michelle, treats me with respect, just like I was treated at the Kirksville JC Penney and the Church of the Nazarene. I like jobs like that.

I did some major overhaul cleaning in the apartment today after my classes were over and tomorrow I'm doing the same. I've moved my desk and a file cabinet around in the living room and cleaned up the living room, minus vacuuming. Hopefully I can get that done and move on to the kitchen and bedrooms.

Now I'm running out of things to talk about lol I guess I will blog again when I have more to say! Toodles!

Whoa, So I Haven't Posted In...Umm...Forever...

Yeah, this is kind of bad lol Look at me being all fail-blogger-ish!

Cael is a big boy now! He smiles all the time! (unless he's hungry or tired or cranky)

His new favorite game is when we change his diaper. We ask him if he pooped his pants and if he needs "a new butt." He'll smile really big and make a noise that sounds like "Yeah!" so we'll fly him into the bedroom to change his diaper. First, he gets his "hat" on. Then we move his legs like he's running really fast and lift his bottom up off the changing area. Then we actually get to changing his diaper. He thinks this is hilarious!

Cael can almost reach for toys but he still has a little bit of trouble with controlling his arm movement. When we lay him on his stomach, he can hold his head up for almost two minutes before he gets mad and wants to be picked up. Morning is his favorite time of day, especially five or six in the morning... I don't like that too much...

He is almost sleeping through the night! He can go from nine or ten to five or six without waking up for a bottle. On average, he eats anywhere between four and six ounces at each feeding. We've been trying out different bottles to see which one cuts down on Cael's gas issues and spit up volume and so far, Dr. Brown is the only type that seems to help. Mylicon made it more painful for him to pass gas so we stopped that. Gentlease has been working pretty well too. We've started mixing a tablespoon of rice cereal into a six ounce bottle before bedtime, which may contribute to his longer night sleeping. I have given him rice cereal as a spoon food and he seemed to enjoy it a lot. I think he just liked having the spoon in his mouth. I mix a small amount of the cereal with formula until it's a watery chunky looking mixture. That makes it easier for him to digest.

 Brad and I are working on packing up our things and moving out of our apartment (FINALLY). However, both of us are currently doing our own respective things; he is writing for his RPG site and I'm blogging. We have the bedroom (minus dressers, bed, and necessary items) and the bathroom (again, minus the necessary items) done. I'm dreading the living room pick up... It looks like an earthquake disaster zone...

I'm doing two online classes this summer:  Spanish 102 and General Psychology. My Gen Psych class is online and I don't start Spanish until July. I have yet to order my book for Psych due to a lack of funding (aka I had to pay for a storage unit for our crap and I now have almost no money in the checking account :/ ). The book only costs thirty three dollars on EBay but I don't have that money right now... Stupid sixty dollar deposit... Why does everything have to revolve around money? Oh, and I forgot to mention that I am now working three jobs. That's right, in addition to working at the nursery and JC Penney, I now work at Maritz Research again. So if you rented a car from Enterprise, I may be the one calling you to do a survey. W00t... This means less time spent with Cael and less time spent with Brad, which is taking a toll on our relationship... Even our Saturday fun nights aren't as fun as they were before because we end up discussing something that makes us fight... I know arguments are good for relationships and we always make up in the end, but I still hate having them. But we love each other and won't let stupid little tiffs get in the way of that :) That's how I know we're meant to be.

Well, I'm not sure when I will be able to post again... Due to moving to my mother's house for a couple of months to save up money for a new living space, we have a lack of Internet service so it may be a while before another update pops up. I'll try to post again soon though :)

Best wishes to you all!

I Swear, This Kid Will Be The Death Of Me

Every time I freaking try to blog, I swear Cael just senses that I'm typing and he wakes up and cries... I won't even be in the same room as him and he does this...

So Brad, Cael, and I went Warrensburg to visit Brad's family. It was a good trip too. Cael slept practically the whole way. We did stop in Macon to try to feed him because he hadn't eaten in a while. While there, a Department of Corrections bus and van pulled up in front of us. The bus was full of inmates and they kept tapping on the windows and whistling and waving at us. It was so creepy!

We left Macon and made it down to Warrensburg without a hitch. I drove the whole way. It wasn't all that bad considering how little sleep I had the night before. Cael had stayed up for a VERY long time and was crying and fussing the whole time. We were so frustrated that night, it was so awful. We cried with him because we were so frustrated... We started texting for help at 4 am and got three responses: my mom, Hanna, and Miranda. Brad texted his mom too.

Brad's friend Mark came up to visit for a couple of days and stayed in our apartment. He kept saying that he'll be up all night and that he would be helping because he's an insomniac etc. but he slept ALL FREAKING NIGHT. Liar.

At my doctor appointment before we left, Dr. Carr said that my blood pressure was still pretty high but that being on Procardia for a month or so should help with that. He also gave me a bunch of pamphlets about birth control so we can talk about that when I go back in two weeks. That's been a source of stress for me--whether to start a birth control method or not. I want to because I want another baby to be on our terms. I know that abstinence is the best policy but, if you think logically, are we really going to be able to abstain from sex for four or more years? I don't think so. I think it might be a good idea, just in case.

OMFG HE DID IT AGAIN!

Yes, now I'm typing with a baby in my lap... Rather difficult... As soon as he's asleep, I'll put him in the Boppy though. That thing is an amazing baby necessity and I love it :)

Anyway, the stay in Warrensburg wasn't al that bad...just very loud... I had a headache the whole time I was down there so all sounds and lights were amplified and I could barely make it through the day... Friday night was the worst. Cael started fussing around 11 pm and Brad's mom, who had been taking care of him Thursday night so we could sleep, said that she couldn't take the first feeding because she was tired. She said that she would take the early morning ones though. I was feeding him and Brad was on the computer and Brad's dad was watching college basketball. I was doing okay unti la wave of pain went over my whole head and I felt like I was going to drop Cael right off my lap. I didn't want to ask out loud so I texted Brad even though he was sitting less than 5 feet away from me (yes, I know I'm a loser) to ask if he would take Cael so I could go to bed. He did and after Cael had been fed and laid in bed, Brad came into the room where I was sleeping and held me while I cried. It hurt so bad that I didn't want to move...

The headache went away by the next morning and Brad's cousin Matt, his wife Amy, and his two little boys Ryan and Chris, came over to see Cael (and so the boys could see Brad). They gave us very cute little gifts: burp rags (because we only have two official burp rags and we've been using receiving blankets), a little sleeper outfit with dinosaurs on it, and a blanket with a little truck on it. While they were there, I took the opportunity to order a baby carrier (a backpack-like one that goes in the front) from Wal Mart. It was cheaper for Site to Store shipping so I chose that and it should arrive by April 5th (too long for my taste, but oh well).

The drive back on Saturday was almost perfect too, except when we got almost to Blackwater on I-70. A semi truck tried to merge right on top of the mini van while I was driving. Needless to say, it scared the living sh*t out of me and I freaked out, had a panic attack, and started bawling. We pulled over in Blackwater so I could gather myself and we could switch drivers. I still have nightmares about that moment...

We got to Moberly and made a pit stop so I could use the bathroom and change Cael's very wet and dirty diaper. That is one blessing and curse with this kid -- he doesn't cry when his diaper is gross which is a plus, but you don't find out about the nastiness inside of it until it's almost too late and it's about to spill out the sides. So I started the grueling process of the diaper change, and Cael, as always, was screaming at the top of his lungs. And then it happens. As I was about to pull up the front of the clean diaper to fasten it, a huge jet of urine that goes all over the back side of the bathroom changing station, all over the blanket I have laid out under Cael, and all over Cael himself. If I thought his normal screaming was bad, it was nothing compared to what came out of his mouth then. And to top it all off, he coughed and shot poop into the not-yet-fastened-not-clean-now diaper. I open up the door to the bathroom to look for Brad (it was literally right next to the changing station so no, I didn't leave Cael unattended) and luckily he was standing right outside so I told him to run out and get another outfit for Cael and to ask for a plastic bag to put the pee-soaked things in. He did it right away and we got Cael and the changing station all cleaned up. Cael was still fussing so we stayed in the connected restaurant and gave him a bottle. What a day it was.

Sunday I went to work like normal and took Cael with me. A friend of mine, Laura, had volunteered to do pictures for Cael so after eating lunch, we went back to the church for pictures. Cael was fine for a little bit and let Laura get a couple of shots but then all hell broke loose and he would not calm down after that. She got some pictures but they weren't what she was hoping for and he was just fussing so much that we decided to call it quits.

Sunday night/Monday morning I ended up going to the emergency room because of a rash I've had for about a week now. I can't relieve it with any of the normal stuff -- calamine lotion, Gold Bond, aloe, lotion, hydrocortizone, and Benadryl all didn't work. The doctor at the hospital couldn't identify it either but all the tests for mononeucleosis, strep throat, and whatever else they tested me for came back negative. I haven't changed detergents, fabric softeners, or soaps either. The doctor ended up prescibing some medicine that I can't pronounce and when I went to get the script filled, I was told I couldn't have it because the doctor had not given his D.E.A. number. I was so mad. My legs and arms itch like crazy and it looks like I'm getting the same thing on my stomach... And I can't have the medicine that relieves it because of a stupid doctor's mistake. Grr...

Well that's all I have for right now. I'm not going to lie, motherhood is HARD...

One Week Thoughts

Oh my God, Cael is already a week old... They grow up so fast! *sniffle sniffle*

I haven't looked to see what "milestones" he's supposed to have hit by now but you know what, I don't care if he's made them or not. He can do whatever he wants in his own time. Here's what he can do so far:

• Hold his head up for small periods of time
• Stare at Brad and me like we're stupid
• Smile almost voluntarily
• Pee all over himself instead of Mommy and Daddy during diaper changes (he's done this three times now)
• Flip Mommy and Daddy the bird while feeding

All of these he does with ease lol

As I'm typing, Cael is laying on my chest, just snoring away. Speaking of snoring, he only really does it during the day. At night Brad and I have to hold our breaths just to listen to him breathe. He's only scared us a couple of times though and we had to actually get up and put a hand on him to check (okay, I did this, not Brad).

Cael's little grunts and squeaks keep us thoroughly entertained. He makes the greatest faces too. He has his "thinker face" which usually means he is filling his diaper, his "surprised face" when I'm up really close to his face, and his "mad face." Brad and I wouldn't trade any moments we;ve had with him so far.

I can't wait until he grows up but then again, I don't want him to grow up. I want to be the person he relies on for all eternity. If he grows up, he'll be more and more independent and won't need Mommy... I hope this doesn't make me act over-protective as he matures. I would hate to be a controlling mom.

"I was born to tell you I love you." - Your Call by Secondhand Serenade (the song that came on Windows Media Player just now)

And I think this is true. I feel like I was born for this moment, for motherhood. I'm not saying I want billions of kids. I'm saying I feel that being primarily a mother is what I'm being called to do. And that's not meaning that I'm going ot drop out of school and become a full-time house mom, although being a house mom probably wouldn't bother me all that much. More time with my children and more time to get house things done. But that's something to think about in the future. I don't want to waste my college education or anything. Maybe I'd run a home daycare service or something.

Cael and Brad will always come first in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Bring It On

Last night was a VERY crappy night. Not only did I have a sinus headache and back ache and all the regular aches of pregnancy, but I also had a contraction so bad that I just laid there and cried because I didn't know what else to do. It was a Braxton-Hicks of course and I didn't get another one but still, FREAKING OUCH.

This morning I'm feeling okay though. But I'm not happy... I don't feeling like I have a "glow of pregnancy" about me or any other things that suggests I'm a soon-to-be mom... I just feel blah... And that's the only way I know how to describe it. Something is amiss. Perhaps it's the fact that I want Cael to be here badly.

Then again I don't want him here yet.

Am I truly ready for this? Are Brad and I ready to be parents? Am I really capable of pushing a baby out of my vagina and still remaining sane?

That last question's answer, for me, is no. I don't think I can come out of this NOT crazy. I'm scared out of my mind. No amount of support from previous moms and friends saying "Of course you can do this. You'll be a great mom!" and hearing people say "Women have been doing this for millions of years so you'll be fine" and reading books can prepare me for the ACTUAL birth. Theory and practice are two WAY different things.

It's just like a CPR test. It's all fine and dandy to be working in a classroom with a dummy practicing the motions of CPR, looking off of a paper or hearing from your instructor over and over how many counts, when to check for breath, and things like that. But when the situation where you need this information actually arises, are you going to remember how to do it? A person's life depends on it so, by God, if you don't remember, that person is dead.

What if, while pushing, I don't use the right muscles and Cael gets stuck?

Another thing that scares me is the thought of the pain. What if the epidural doesn't work? What if I tear badly and have to spend more time in recovery? What if the pain is so bad after delivery and when I go home that I won't be able to hold Cael...or even have children again? Yeah, I know about how the hormones in my body will kick in and I'll go through labor in a daze and won't feel the full extent of the pain because I'll be focused on what I have to do and blah blah blah... What if my body doesn't work that way? Not all people are the same, you know.

After delivery scares me too. I have been told by many medical professionals and other moms that it would be best for me to breastfeed until Cael is old enough to have the bottle. But I also have to add in the fact that I may need to start back on my medication if a sign of post-partum depression arises. Before I got pregnant, I was on 20mg of Prozac and 400mg of Lamictal. That much Lamictal is harmful to an infant, no matter what stage of life they're in. I can't breastfeed and be on the medicine at the same time because it's transmitted through my breastmilk (by the way, I'm having a contraction right at this second and it hurts really bad... 10:14am). Then, when I go to wean Cael off breastmilk, he'll experience withdrawal symptoms as if he was actually on the medicine (which technically he was). I don't want Cael's first year of life to suck. That would be bad parenting on my part.

Dr. Carr has said that if I need to I can go back on the medicine and stop breastfeeding. I am determined to try to go without medicine for as long as I can, just so that I can at least get Cael the colostrum he needs. To me, that's the most important part of breastfeeding.

Brad has been a really big help throughout this pregnancy, even though sometimes he's a bit clueless. He does whatever I ask of him, unless it's chores that he doesn't feel like doing. He has been the person I've ultimately leaned on when something goes wrong for me. He's the only person who I've been able to cry to and not have him tell me to suck it up. He lets me cry and whine and complain. He worries for me more than anyone else I think. After all, I'm the love of his life (his words not mine) and I'm carrying his first-born son. In 20 days (or less), I will have Cael and then we will be a true family. And that's a good enough life for me.

Fail Blogging

So I may just be one of the most fail bloggers ever lol I haven't posted in how long?

Life is...achy and painful

I have a feeling that Cael is going to be a VERY big boy and slightly late. He's kind of stubborn already. And he gets the hiccups all the time...especially when I'm in class. I have 4 weeks to go (as of Thursday) and he's already about 6 pounds :/

Sleep is extremely hard to come by. I just lay awake tossing and turning, even with the medication that my doctor gave me to help me fall asleep. It also doesn't help that I have to get up every hour to go to the bathroom.

But I'm loving every minute of this and I can't wait to have a baby in my arms.

Brad proposed on Valentine's Day :) I have a shiny little ring that I wear now and it reminds me at every possible moment that someone loves me. Well, the ring and Cael both remind of that :)

Well, it's late so I'm heading off here soon. I'll try to post more (darn this crazy school and work schedule of mine!).

<3

Progress

Wow, it's only been FOREVER since I last posted... I need to keep up on that!

I'm tired beyond all belief right now but still attending all classes... An amazing feat for me.

So here's what's happened since my last post:

• Brad and I got into a fight because, while he was trying to help me with a paper, I got frustrated and yelled at him... He fell asleep on the couch while I was taking a bubble bath and finishing my paper. Since I didn't want to be even more mean and wake him up, I cried for 30 minutes straight before caving in and laying on the couch with him. We moved into the room and cuddled all night (which is a big thing because I've always either gotten too hot at night or I just can't be touched).
• We have abandoned all efforts with the oven. No amount of cleaning will bring it to sanitary, working order. It's a lost cause.
• Two months to go on my pregnancy. At my last doctor appointment, Cael's heartbeat was 137 bpm (apparently normal, even though it seems low to me... probably because he's usually at 150 bpm) and I've gained A LOT of weight, which can now be seen in my face... Next appointment: check up then my OB interview. I'll be taking a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital where I am given birth and giving the doctors my information so I don't have to worry about all of that while I'm in labor. Good idea, don't you think?
• Swelling in my knees, feet, ankles, and hands has become a HUGE issue for me but, to remedy this problem, Brad's mom gave me a foot massager (the kind you put the water in and it bubbles and vibrates). It is now my new best friend :)
• Cael has dropped into the "head down" position. I felt him do a big flip that, quite literally, took my breath away. Later, he had the hiccups and I could feel them on my tail bone. It made my butt bounce, as if I had the hiccups! Pretty amusing! Only 57 days until he is born! :D
• I am fairly certain that I failed my first test in History and Historiography. It was purely over Turabian-style notes and bibliographical entries and I missed so many points on the bibliography part that there is NO WAY I passed... But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who did badly... Punctuation rules are HARD.
• On last Saturday, I had my first ever Braxton-Hicks contractions. They scared me quite a bit because I couldn't tell if they were real or not (I had just gone pee and I wasn't able to find the plug. Yes, you needed to know that). They went away though so it's all good.

Well those are the highlights (and lowlights) of my life in the recent past. Class is starting now so I have to end this note here. More later!