Feeling Inferior

I'm having one of those down days today...

Have you ever had those days were you look at a celebrity of the same sex as you and think "How in the world did they get to be so good looking? Why am I not like that?"

I feel that way right now... Tyra Banks, Katy Perry, Rihanna... All beautiful, strong women that make me look like a wimp nobody... Heck, compared to them I am a weak nobody.

And I've been thinking about Brad's and my wedding...and how we're more than likely not going to be able to save for it until years from now... It hurts to know that because of the economy, I can't pay for the wedding I've always wanted, which really doesn't cost all that much in the first place... I feel like crying right now...

Then there's all the "what if" situations that burst into my head like a million little dynamite. What if we never get to buy a house? What if we can't find sufficient employment? What if we can't provide for Cael in the way he needs us to? What if we can't pay for food at all? What if our quality of life gets so bad that Brad and I can't stay together and child services takes Cael away? What if's will be the death of me...

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On a brighter note, Cael had a growth spurt and is eating like we starve him every day. He grew so quickly that he doesn't fit in the goldfish costume we had for him for Halloween. Now he's going to be a train conductor because all of the little costumes left in stores are either for kids smaller than Cael or for toddlers... Such a disappointment :(

I'm ready for the holidays to be here and gone... I'm not sure how we're going to swing Thanksgiving since there are two happening in one day 4 hours away from each other. I need a teleportation device or something.

And I also need to get back to my paper... Peace out for now.