The Story Of An Evening Walk

The walk started out simple enough. I walked across the street with Cael in the stroller. The sidewalk was clear of debris and bumps. The street was clear, except for the occasional sedan or minivan cruising by. Cael and I talked about the trees and grass until he fell into peaceful sleep. I continued walking along the road. The cardinals were singing their beautiful tunes, other birds chirping and tweeting filled the air as well. Black Eyed Susans bloomed amongst the wild grasses and pine trees. The scent of honeysuckle and freshly mowed lawns drifted lazily on the breeze.

Homes were alined on the opposite side of the street. They were impressive, with three stories, long driveways, and tall wooden fences. Children and small dogs played in some yards. Others contained families grilling on their back porches. A young girl and a younger boy in swimming suits squealed in delight as their mother, with her feet in an inflatable wading pool, sprayed at them with a hose. Fellow walkers greeted each other on the sidewalk as they passed, with "hello"s, "how are you"s, and "what a beautiful evening"s.

It was a perfect walk until...

vvvvvvrrrrroOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMmmmmmmm

A rusted truck with a faulty muffler zoomed by with the occupants catcalling and weaving all over the road, scaring the birds and stifling the pleasant outdoor smells with exhaust fumes.

I am completely amazed at how the world can be a wonderfully beautiful place with singing birds and carefree living, and in the next moment, make me wonder if non-lethal poison darts could be legally used on the asinine, insensitive, and imbecilic (albeit cricker-ish) human beings that inhabit the Earth.

Tantrums Might Be The Death Of Me

Cael is getting a molar. And it SUCKS! He throws awful awful tantrums and screams until I pick him up... Which makes things difficult when I'm making dinner.

Last night's dinner was lasagna. It wasn't the best since I had Cael on one hip while attempting to spread the ingredients for the layers. When I set him on the other side of the gate in the kitchen so I could put the dish in the oven, all hell broke loose. Cael threw himself on the ground and kicked the gate down, knocking the trash can over. Brad then took Cael to bed, where he slept from 6:30 pm til 6:15 am! He even took a 3 hour nap earlier in the day at school! I was astounded and checked on him before Brad and I went to bed. He was still breathing so I let him be.

And he was SUPER happy this morning. I have NEVER seen him like that in a morning, ever. It was so weird that I kept askimg him who he was, to which he responded "Mama!" and headbutted me lol Maybe we are just a little messed up family this week!

What makes this molar problem even worse is the fact that Tylenol doesn't affect it at all. But popsicles do >.< now he's a popsicle monster. Anytime I open the fridge, he's there at my side, screaming "POP! POP!"

But as I said in one of my previous posts, no matter how bad my life seems to be, there is always someone who has it worse. For example, one of the twos in my class recently lost her uncle. She doesn't understand it, of course, as young as she is but I can see that it hurts the rest of the family. My heart goes out to them as the funeral occurs today and I hope they can find peace even though a loved one is no longer with them.

Well I'd better wrap up this post before the little people wake up or I'll be in for some trouble (why yes, I am posting during a particularly peaceful naptime at work, and yes, I did get the cleaning done lol). Hopefully your days are better. Go do something nice for someone you don't know!
Sent from my NOOKcolor

Testing Out The Blog Via Email

I got an Nook Color for my birthday and there's no app for Blogger :( Hopefully this works!

Sent from my NOOKcolor

Dear Cael, If Mommy Had Money

Dear Cael,
If I had money, I'd buy you a house. You could have your own room, with your own colors in it and a big boy bed. We could even get an extra bedroom for a brother or sister. You could have your own bathroom, and make it as messy as you want (until I tell you to clean up, of course).

Our new house would have a big backyard. Big enough for a swingset with a slide, a tunnel, swings, and some monkey bars. And a tree house. And a shed for all of your outside toys :)

Our new house would have a long and wide driveway. With a basketball hoop so you can invite friends over to play basketball, like Daddy and Uncle Andrew used to do when they were younger. Our garage would be big enough for Mommy and Daddy's cars.

Our neighborhood would be wonderful, with neighbors who think smoking is disgusting and many kids around your age that you can be best friends with and play with. We would have block parties and barbeques with the neighbors. There would be no obnoxious neighbors and no late night parties. There would be no mean dogs and no cats (I just don't like cats because they make me sneeze).

This new house would have a big kitchen, big enough for a kitchen table so we can all eat dinner together. I would have a great oven to bake you, Daddy, and your friends cookies. We would have a big living room, with a big screen TV to watch movies together and play games together.

The house would have a basement, so I can have a daycare to make money and do what I love. I love watching you grow up and I want to help families that need a place for their child to go while the parents are at work. It would be a big basement, with a place for me to cook and a place for the babies to lay down to sleep.

Our new house would also have a big deck for hanging out when Grandma Diane, Papa Shane, and Aunt Ni Ni come visit. We can use the deck for sitting out to watch the stars on cool, clear nights. We can have mini camp outs while you're still okay to hang out with Mommy and Daddy.

Above all, our house will be a home. It will be the place where we can either be with each other or be on our own for a bit. It will be a place of our own, no paying rent every month, just paying for what we need. We will stay there for the rest of our lives.

If only Mommy had the money...

Watching A Movie Can Make You Think About Priorities, Believe It Or Not

Yeah, I'm watching Rent right now as I'm typing this post. I just watched the scene at the second AIDS support group meeting, and the lyrics made me think of something.
"Will I lose my dignity, will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?"

Even though I think my life might suck on occasion, I still have my health, a home, a family, friends, love, my child, and my job. I know that many people out there have worse problems than I do. They need help and I want to help them. I can't help financially...but I can offer moral and emotional support. I can offer my time and services. I can offer love and hugs (totally corny, I know, but there are some times when all someone needs is a shoulder to cry on and arms to hug them).

I want everyone to know that I care.

Hating Yesterday, Loving Today, Wondering For Tomorrow

Yesterday SUCKED. No other word for it. Got in an argument with Brad, Cael has a sinus infection, felt paranoid and cruddy because I forgot my medicine, ended up not taking a walk (which threw off Cael's schedule so he cried for an hour before falling asleep)... Thank God it ended quickly!
Today was AWESOME. :)

I'll outline it for you lol

MY DAY

Got out of bed to a little boy who was SUPER happy to see me.

I got a kiss good-bye when Brad left for work.

When I took Cael to school, I found out he was being moved to the tots class today.

I got to take an awesome shower.

I got to shave without a screaming child banging on the bathroom door.

A Law & Order: SVU marathon was going on while I folded laundry.

I had enough money to pay bills and pay off my daycare balance.

I had an amazing tasty lunch: a Boca burger, peaches, and a Slim Fast chocolate shake.

I got to see Brad at lunch time.

When I got to work, I found out I would be letting a teacher in the infants' room go on break.

I got to hold and feed a baby.

I was smiled at by a baby.

I was spit up on by a very cute baby.

I wasn't mauled by the two year olds.

I got many kisses and hugs from "my girls" in the twos room.

Cael didn't cry when he saw me and I was holding other children.

I had a great dinner: Tyson chicken nuggets, McDonalds Sweet Tea, and more peaches (I like peaches)

I went on an amazing walk with a good friend and my good little boy.

I shared a popsicle with Cael.

Now I'm blogging :)

Soon Brad will play Paper Mario or Assasin's Creed 2 (I hope it's the latter!) for me to watch.

And it's not even my birthday yet!

I'm so grateful for everything I have and everything that has happened to me today :) I love my boys, Brad and Cael <3 I am complete today! I look forward to tomorrow!

:D

Today Was A Fairy Tale

Just kidding!

I had a pretty good day with Cael today :) I'm hoping we can keep it that way tomorrow too!

We started out having a lazy morning: watching cartoons, eating breakfast, reading books, and napping on the futon. Then we took a shopping adventure to the Dollar Tree (where the employees have no sense of customer service), Shoe Sensation, and Hastings (where we splurged on a PS3 game for Brad lol). We continued the adventure at Wal-Mart. We went up and down every aisle, since I knew we wouldn't be walking in the evening and Cael was having fun saying "hi" and waving to everyone we passed :) I'm glad he's a friendly kid!

After returning home for a nap and to put the groceries away, I got back to work on my knitting project (a sleeve for my camera since the one that came with the camera was way too small) while Brad played some more on Paper Mario. I was so proud of myself when I finished it! I was glad I had begun a project and actually finished through with it. It doesn't look too bad, but I'm not going to post any pictures of it because it's not the best. It gets the job done though!

When Cael woke up from his nap, we had a small lunch then went to the park with Judy, Brad's mom. Cael had lots of fun going up and down the steps, going down the slide, and running around, yelling at the top of his lungs :) He also met a new friend named Joshua while playing. They got along like they had been best friends for their whole lives. Cael seemed to be asking if Joshua wanted to go on the slide, then Joshua would shake his head, babble a little, and they would both walk over to a piece of play equipment they weren't old enough to climb on. They seemed to be devising a plan on how to manage such a tall and different structure and watched the bigger kids closely as if observing them to gain knowledge of how to move on the ladders and things.

Playing in the park left us wanting ice cream, and when I say "us" I mean Judy and me. So off to Dairy Queen we went. Cael ate two chicken strips and all of the kid-sized fries. Then he showed us a new trick: he can drink out of a straw! For quite a while, any time we went to a restaurant where Cael wanted our drinks, we would hold the end of the straw and drip the drink into his mouth. Well apparently, he had started sucking the liquid out and we didn't even realize it! I'm so happy he's learned this skill because now we may be able to trade sippy cups for cups with straws (better for mouth hygiene).

Brad, Cael, and I went over to Russ and Judy's house after the excursion to DQ and we all ate dinner before heading out to Jane's house (Brad's aunt) to play in the pool. It was really freaking cold in the pool so Cael and I didn't last very long in it. Brad, Andrew, Bryan, Kylan, and Matt (Brad's brother, cousin, cousin's girlfriend's son, and other cousin) played in the pool until 10 pm! Cael and I were pretty tired though so we decided to call it a night and head home. Cael went straight to sleep as soon as I put him in bed lol I preferred to stay up and blog a little :)

But now I'm heading to bed, so good night and sweet dreams!

Beginning A New Beginning. Or Beginning To Fall Apart.

My walk was AMAZING last night. I went around the block three times with Mark, a friend who lives a few streets over. It was nice to talk to someone who can have intelligent conversation with me lol

I also got my first blisters from walking, and I'm surprisingly happy that I have them! It means I'm actually doing something. And I've lost four pounds since my last doctor's visit (the one for the headaches I've been having). I weighed 172 pounds at the doctor's appointment yesterday :) I'm getting there!

I've also been getting my planner updated as well so I can have a hardcopy of my schedule that isn't completely dependent on my cell phone or my computer. Though I do hope I get to buy a Nook Color for my birthday :)

I've also gotten back into reading some of my favorite books. I began reading "A Great and Terrible Beauty" by Libba Bray again. The Gemma Doyle series is one of my favorites. I hope to have "A Sweet Far Thing," the third book in the triolgy, as the first Nook book I buy :)

Today Is Infinitely Better, I Must Say

So in continuation from my previous post...

I went to a general surgeon today to talk about my h-word and she said that the ER doctor was a dipsh*t. Well those weren't the actual words she used >:) She did say that the doctor was "pretty much stupid."

The surgeon said that what I have is a "pretty obvious" anal fissure that was easy to fix. And that the ER doctor should have seen it right away. So I was prescribed a steriod which will heal it up in three weeks :) Thank God for doctors who actually know what they're doing and for doctors that care about their patients. I swear Dr. Switzner was awesome! She was kind and let me know everything I should do without feeling stupid and embarassed about the situation.

Hopefully this situation will be cleared up soon. I'm tired of hurting when I sit down and stand up :/

Argh!!!! This Day Has Sucked!!!

I cannot believe how fast this day went downhill. It's not even funny.

So about an hour after I finished my last post, I was making lunch and I felt that the back of my pants were wet. I thought "I didn't sit on anything, did I?" so I touched it and my hand comes up with...blood. Bright red. So I run to the bathroom and call the doctor, whose secretary never picked up. I'm freaking out at this point, hyperventilating and crying, so I call Cael's health insurance's hotline. But in my mental state at that point, I didn't think one important fact: if you don't have their insurance, you get no help.

Brad called me while I was still freaking out, then once he calmed me down, I called the ER in town. Thank God the nurse was so nice, though she did sound alarmed when I told her what had happened.

So away to the hospital we drove...

I had to have a swab done (worst thing I have EVER experinced, including the brief time while I was having super bad contractions without drugs) and blood tests to make sure I'm clotting okay. All the tests come back fine and the doctor tells me what I don't want to hear...

The "h" word... I had one (possibly more) that had burst...

Can this week seriously just end now? Can I skip over the next few days, where this is all fixed and I don't have to deal with it?

I'm making an appointment with a general surgeon tomorrow so I can get this sh*t over with... I am not spending the rest of my life wearing pads every day...

Eff this. I'm done.

New Developments In A Current Job Are Hardly Ever Good...

I found out from my employer today that, though she promised me more hours in the summer, she is giving the hours to a coworker that normally works in the infant room... This is making me very unhappy, not just because she promised me the hours, but also because she is now expecting me to pay the balance for Cael's tuition weekly, when she knows I get paid bi-weekly and because I decided not to take summer classes because I was promised more hours. I can't pay the daycare when I have no money and I'm running out of savings quickly and will soon have no money for a wedding either. Money SUCKS.

On the view of my summer classes (that I did NOT take because I was promised more hours), I could be closer to finishing my degree if I would've known she was not giving me more hours to work. One of the teachers in our room had to leave the job (hopefully just temporarily) since her spouse is having health problems and she needs to be with him. Instead of just moving the closing teacher (me) to full-time for the summer, my employer takes a new teacher into the classroom. I honestly have no problems with my coworkers and I am grateful that the new teacher has a superb source of unlimited energy, but I kind of new the hours. I'm hoping that if I can get more hours during the summer, I can start helping Brad's mom out with the bills she is currently paying because we are financially unable to take care of (cable, health insurance, car insurance, phone, etc.) and still have some savings to put away. Currently, my bi-weekly paycheck is delegated as follows:

45% --> Daycare costs
25% --> Saved in case of emergency (helping with rent, doctor visits, car maintenence, etc.)
20% --> Gas
10% --> A month's worth of diapers

That leaves me with nothing left to save toward the wedding. Will Brad and I get a wedding? Sure. It will have to be scaled back like crazy, and we may have to ask the wedding party to pay for their own attires, shoes, tux rentals, flowers, etc. but we'll have one. Thank God I got the dress already... And I absolutely refuse to ask for money from family, because they have enough to pay for, both to support themselves and for us. I do not want to add onto their payments.

Someday, I will be married, own a house, then own my own daycare service. I want to be self-employed doing what I want to do. Then I won't have to worry about competing for hours with my coworkers.

Thank God I love the kids I help teach and my teaching coworkers. Otherwise, I might look for a new job in education... Those kids make my job enjoyable (even if they are crazy and bouncing off the walls). The teacher in the two's room is also awesome. I can talk to her about almost anything and she's either had experience with it and can give advice or she just listens when no one else will. She's a great teacher too. She also has amazing energy, is great with the kids, and has all sorts of great activities up her sleeves. I hope to be as good a teacher as her someday :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, my birthday is in 8 days...and I don't really care. It's not like it's a "milestone" birthday, just 20. I'm kind of hoping I can just get the one thing I want (a Nook Color from Barnes and Noble) and that's the end of it. I don't want a birthday cake, especially not one with 20 candles on it. I don't want to be reminded that everything and everyone is getting older and time is passing on. Plus, there are a lot of things in my life I'd like to forget. Each candle represents a memory, be it one I want to remember or one I want to forget.

I am very thankful that I have Brad and Cael with me. I can't imagine life without them. It would be like not breathing. Some days, I might say I want away from them, that I want a break. But it's not true. I love just being in the same room as them. It doesn't matter if we're actively doing something together, or off in separate corners of the house doing our own things. I love being around them. I love watching them, talking to them. I love Brad and Cael <3

Hopefully the next time I post, it won't be as grim and grouchy as this post... *fingers crossed*

Thank God I Love This Kid Or I Might Have To Drop-Kick Him Out The Window

Cael has gotten into this nasty habit of screaming a high-pitched (girly) scream. It's used for when he's mad, happy, playing, talking, eating, and when he wants attention. I'm TIRED of it. I swear my ear drums are going to burst when he does it.

Tomorrow is his 15 month Well Child Checkup. Hopefully no shots *fingers crossed* I still can't believe he's 15 months old :) It feels like time has flown by. I kind of wish he hadn't grown up as fast, as I currently watch him drip juice onto his highchair tray and spread it around with his hand... What a messy boy he's grown into lol

His habits when he gets angry have changed too. If we tell him no or remove him from a situation where he is doing something unsanitary or unsafe, he slams his head on the ground then finds the nearest portable object and proceeds to chuck it across the room or push it into the wall repeatedly (this happens frequently with chairs). All the while, screaming his high-pitched siren wail.

Our routines have changed as well, which could be causing the mood swings (that and the fact that he's a stubborn child lol). We've been taking nightly walks after dinner which is awesome because we can get out of the house and I can get more exercise in :) I've been losing a lot of weight since the summer started! Most of my eating habits have changed too. Yesterday and the day before were pretty cruddy though because it was two days before my monthlies started so I ended up eating McDonalds and a whole package of chewy Chips Ahoy cookies (damn hormones...).

Cael and I also painted a present for Brad for Father's Day. It was probably the worst idea ever but it was fun while it lasted! Yesterday, my dad, mom, and Natalie met Cael and me in Columbia so we could all go to the Kids Workshop at the Home Depot there. Cael "helped" my dad "bang bang" the nails in until the box was finished lol Then Cael picked out the colors for the box. He actually said the names of the colors he wanted too! My dad bought the little sample paints that come with a brush attached to the inside of the lid. So today Cael picked out the red paint and we attempted to paint the box (attempted being the key word there). He ended up stick the entire brush into his mouth after painting just a few strokes...so I decided we were done. He was not happy at all about this, especially when I hosed him off in the tub with semi cold water. I don't think we will be doing paint again for a while.

I got my wedding dress yesterday as well :D I had an appointment a few weeks back and they had first told me that my dress wouldn't be in until June 20th and it came a week early! It's gorgeous and I can't wait to wear it! The style number for it is V9675 if you want to look for it on www.davidsbridal.com. I love it :) It's my princess gown!

Brad started a Paper Mario play through for me (N64) and I got so into it that I started my own save file for the game. Now I can play along with Brad :) It's great that it's an easy game and he's been really helpful when I get to parts I don't remember and opponents I can't beat.

Well I'm going to end it here so I can watch Brad play Paper Mario (I don't want to miss anything important since I'm almost to Lavalava Island lol). Hopefully you enjoy your days as well!