Oh God...

Where is this elusive thing called "dream land"? Why can't I find it? Oh wait, I know why. People snore and fetuses (feti?) move constantly.

Last night I had a meltdown and I cried so hard that I threw up then got a nosebleed. And I still have no idea why I was crying. Nothing was going wrong, through I ached everywhere. Maybe it was because I was tired and it caught up to me. Maybe it's just hormones. I have no idea. It scared Brad though. When I had stopped crying, he cried. He was afraid that something serious was happening.

He waited on me hand-and-foot last night. He made chicken noodle soup for me while I wrote a paper. He offered to get me things and to do things for me but I just wanted him there with me. When I finished the paper, we played Pokemon Stadium on the N64 and he let me win, even though I didn't want him to. We ate ice cream and popcorn and fell asleep in each other's arms (until I got too warm and until I had to roll over).

This morning, I woke up feeling like crap still. I believe I'm getting sick... I have a headache, my nose is running, and I've almost lost my voice. And I'm exhausted... But sleep is unattainable...

Can anyone help me?... How can anyone help me?...

Progress

Wow, it's only been FOREVER since I last posted... I need to keep up on that!

I'm tired beyond all belief right now but still attending all classes... An amazing feat for me.

So here's what's happened since my last post:

• Brad and I got into a fight because, while he was trying to help me with a paper, I got frustrated and yelled at him... He fell asleep on the couch while I was taking a bubble bath and finishing my paper. Since I didn't want to be even more mean and wake him up, I cried for 30 minutes straight before caving in and laying on the couch with him. We moved into the room and cuddled all night (which is a big thing because I've always either gotten too hot at night or I just can't be touched).
• We have abandoned all efforts with the oven. No amount of cleaning will bring it to sanitary, working order. It's a lost cause.
• Two months to go on my pregnancy. At my last doctor appointment, Cael's heartbeat was 137 bpm (apparently normal, even though it seems low to me... probably because he's usually at 150 bpm) and I've gained A LOT of weight, which can now be seen in my face... Next appointment: check up then my OB interview. I'll be taking a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital where I am given birth and giving the doctors my information so I don't have to worry about all of that while I'm in labor. Good idea, don't you think?
• Swelling in my knees, feet, ankles, and hands has become a HUGE issue for me but, to remedy this problem, Brad's mom gave me a foot massager (the kind you put the water in and it bubbles and vibrates). It is now my new best friend :)
• Cael has dropped into the "head down" position. I felt him do a big flip that, quite literally, took my breath away. Later, he had the hiccups and I could feel them on my tail bone. It made my butt bounce, as if I had the hiccups! Pretty amusing! Only 57 days until he is born! :D
• I am fairly certain that I failed my first test in History and Historiography. It was purely over Turabian-style notes and bibliographical entries and I missed so many points on the bibliography part that there is NO WAY I passed... But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who did badly... Punctuation rules are HARD.
• On last Saturday, I had my first ever Braxton-Hicks contractions. They scared me quite a bit because I couldn't tell if they were real or not (I had just gone pee and I wasn't able to find the plug. Yes, you needed to know that). They went away though so it's all good.

Well those are the highlights (and lowlights) of my life in the recent past. Class is starting now so I have to end this note here. More later!

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Yes, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for my next class to start. I'm waiting for work to be here and gone already. I'm waiting for March 25th. I'm waiting for answers to life's questions (wow, that sounds deep). But most of all I'm waiting to be done with waiting for these things. I'm tired of waiting for everything to come to me. But sometimes that's all you can really do.

My Political Science class, American National Government, was terribly boring today. We filled out an 86-question long survey about politics. I don't really care for politics because, so far, nothing in the government pertains to me directly. I don't see a reason to involve myself if it doesn't apply to me. But that's just how I feel.

My Philosophy and Religions class, Exploring Religions, was also slightly dull due to a quiz, which I ended up getting a 100% on, to my surprise. I really didn't feel like I was absorbing all that information as well as I did. It was pretty darn cool.

And now I wait for my Introduction to History and Historiography class to start. I may end up sleeping through it involuntarily... I didn't get much sleep last night because of back pains and general discomforts, of course.

Oh well, here it goes.

Another Night Gone

Tonight was slightly hectic. Miranda and Tiggy came over for a visit and stayed for dinner, but I really needed to get things done... I won't deny that I enjoyed their company but it put off my homework by quite a bit... Not a good thing, seeing that I have a quiz tomorrow...

Ice cream was a nice treat tonight. Brad and I bought some while grocery shopping because we thought it was a good idea. But that was before we got it home and I scarffed down almost two bowls. I say "almost" because the last few bites did not make it to my mouth, sadly. I had set the bowl down to gain feeling back into my cold hand and, klutzy me knocked the bowl onto the nasty carpet, disspelling its delicious contents.

Not long after cleaning it up, I was back on Facebook and I received a chat message from Brad. Wondering why he couldn't just tell me whatever it was, seeing as how I was sitting right next to him, I opened it to find this message.

"Even though you are a clutz sometimes, that will never stop me from loving you. Granted, it might seems like I whine over what we dine, but sweetie always remember: You...are mine."

Needless to say, my heart is smiling very broadly :)

Where Did The Night Go?

If you can't tell by the title of this post, I didn't get much sleep last night... Cael was very active and outside noises didn't assist sleep in any way at all... And I hear it only gets worse from here... Greeeeeaaaattttt...

I have to be at class in an hour. Should I be using that hour for sleep? YES. Am I able to use it for sleep? Unfortunately, no due to a kicking baby. Woo-freaking-hoo...

I will be very glad when I can see Cael and hold him because once he is out of my stomach he can enjoy the company of Grandma Diane (my mother) when I just can't deal with the crying anymore. The kicking right now can't be remedied, but irritations later on can be. That sounds mean though... I think I'm just too frustrated to make sense of things.

Last night's dinner was spaghetti, which Brad defined as "orgasmic." I thought it went pretty well, considering the water for the pasta wouldn't come to a boil (I KNOW! That messed up stove is so stupid!) and the sauce, which I kept on setting 2, boiled. We also had microwaved corn and canned pears. All in all, it really wasn't a bad meal. We ate our meal while watching Star Wars Episode 3, which made it very enjoyable indeed.

Life Plans

I got done writing out a four-year plan for my college career and boy, was it CONFUSING. So many things to take in so little time... And this plan doesn't even include graduate school... Blah

I've uploaded another video on YouTube as well. Cael got the hiccups and it was so funny that I just had to record it. Due to lighting conditions, you can't see it very well but it's still a good video to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBSGeJBONpg

Right now, Cael is being pretty quiet. Hopefully he's "napping." He was a little too active during my classes yesterday and during my meeting with Sheila today.

All the sirens going by our apartment makes me nervous for some reason... I'm not sure why though...

Last night I had a slight meltdown. I didn't want to be the mommy anymore, I wanted to be the baby. The baby has no responsibilities and doesn't have to deal with classes or any problems at all. But Brad thinks differently. He said that being the mommy is the best thing because Cael will always need his mommy. If I'm the mommy, I get to do things that a baby couldn't do, like hold the baby and love the baby. Brad always knows what to say to make things better.

Damn this Tuesday Morning

FML.

That's really all I have to say about this morning.

Everything messed up while I was making french toast and NOW people want to come and visit. If they value their lives, they'd better not arrive at my front door.

So I started out how ANYONE would make french toast. I got the eggs beaten, the pan sprayed, and the heat turned on to setting 5, the middle one. I went to pull the bread out of the cabinet and I smelled something funny. In the time that it took for me to turn on the heat and open the cabinet door, the Crisco on the pan had burned. WTF is wrong with this stupid stove?!

So I rinsed out the stupid pan and sprayed it again, this time putting the stove on setting 4. That worked okay until, after making three pieces of french toast, the spatula melted onto MY piece of toast. ONLY MINE. Is God trying to tell me something here? That I deserve no food today? That my cooking sucks?

I had spilled some egg onto the counter as well and my hands were sticky so I rinsed them off under the faucet and opened the cabinet door once again to grab a dish towel to dry my hands off. And guess what, they all come tumbling down into the beaten eggs, along with the oven mit. They ALL got egg on them.

I'm so beyond pissed right now, I don't even know how to describe it...

Screw french toast, I'm having cereal.

Sunday, Oh Sunday

Sundays are boring... Nothing to do but clean...

I'm totally wiped out too. I barely got any sleep last night because I was hot and our neighbors were fighting next door. Plus Cael was moving a lot. I think (and this is just an estimate) I actually fell asleep around 5 am but I had to get up at 7:30 to go to work. The church nursery was pretty empty today, compared to previous Sundays. Hanna and I had Joel, who whined a lot and got very angry when I held anyone but him; Jenna, whose parents did not cut her finger nails well causing me to come out of tickling matches with scrapes on my hands; Lily and Gigi, who cried most of the time even though their mother had not left them; Caleb, who was his usual, bouncy self; Brennan, who attached himself to Hanna like a tree frog and would not let go; and Alyssa, who was, as always, very territorial over her beanbag puppy. Leanna came to visit us too, which was very nice. She used to work in the nursery but due to family living out of town and other employment she doesn't work in there as often. Usually she's a stand-in for me when I can't be there. Hanna and I don't get to see her very often so it was nice to visit with her today. She's currently employed at a bed-and-breakfast in town and said that the woman who owns it is 8 months pregnant and needs someone to clean and watch her 2 year old son. Maybe Brad can take over the cleaning job for Leanna while she watches the little boy. She can't do it all at once.

I worked at JC Penney last night as well. Not much happened in there except a couple of ladies who were best friends came in buying baby clothes. They were fun to listen to and were very interested in how my pregnancy was going, and I didn't even know them! They were very nice and made my night special. By the way, if you shop at JC Penney and they ask you to fill out the survey, DO IT! Not only does it help the store tremendously to hear how they're doing, at the end of it you will get a 15% off coupon, GUARANTEED. I'm being serious. It's a great thing to use on doorbusters, big sales, and clearance items and can be used in conjunction with other coupons. You'll be glad you have it, trust me.

Wow, I think the salesperson in me is showing... Bleh...

Today...

Ugh, I hate when Fridays suck...

Like today, all I did was laundry, laundry, laundry...

I'm frustrated as well, not only because while I was doing laundry, my little sister was being extremely irritating, but also because the landlord, who was supposed to come and look at our broken stove, did not follow up on his promise and I cannot get a hold of him on his cell phone or the number given to us at the time we moved in, which is the designated "fix it" line. This is the SECOND time he has forgotten about our apartment due to working on the renovation of another apartment downstairs.

Another thing that needs fixing is our bedroom window. The top pane needs to be re-caulked (which is something the landlord said he would take care of) so it leaks cold air into our bedroom, causing extreme coldness that even our ghetto radiator, which has no setting between super freaking hot and no heat, cannot remedy.

Screw this place, I want to go back home...

Pregnancy has been a pain for me this week too. I am leaking everywhere and Cael does not understand that when I attempt to push him out of my kidney area, I mean for him to leave it and go to the other side. Our mattress causes me much discomfort throughout the night and I have had very little sleep. No wonder I'm such a grouch...

On the plus side, Cael has had the hiccups twice this week, which I find hilarious. The first time was weird because I had no idea what was going on. My stomach was pulsing rhythmically so I thought I would check it out using a stethoscope I bought at Wal*Mart (I use it to listen to Cael World), and sure enough, he was hiccupping! It sounded like very sharp intakes of breath, not like our hiccups at all but there was no mistaking the noise. It happened again today as I was waiting for the second out of my three loads of laundry to get done washing. It was a good laugh.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, live life as best you can!

By The Way

By the way, I have posted my first ever video on YouTube! It's of my baby dancing to the song "Fireflies" by Owl City, which is his favorite song.

Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-T9aPd9ciY

Apartment Adventures!

Hey there!

So tonight I decided to test out the stove Brad and I have in our crap apartment by making Tuna Helper. I did all that the instructions told me to do then turned the correct burner on high. After ten minutes the burner still wasn't hot. AT ALL. I could put my hand on the dang thing and not feel any heat whatsoever. I decided to try a different burner, to have the same result occur.

Needless to say, I threw a HUGE fit and cried. Brad, being the good boyfriend that he is, came to comfort me. After my sobs had subsided, he said "Let's go figure this out" and we went back into the kitchen to face the devil stove. I did not want to see the stupid thing again so I went back into the bedroom, picked up my phone, and started to text my mother and father about the incident.

No sooner had I picked up my phone and typed out "The stupid freaking stove-", then I hear a slight sizzling noise and a cry of "At least one of them works!" Brad had turned on every burner to their highest point and then put his hand flat down on the first burner that had failed me. His hand was not seriously burned, but it did leave a red mark (which he says still hurts a bit).

Best of all, we get to eat dinner tonight! :)

Hello All, New Blogger Here

Hi there, my name is Shelby and, as you might be able to tell from the title of my blog, I'm going to be a mommy. My baby boy, Cael Luther, is scheduled to arrive in March and I'm really freaking out about everything from baby clothes to the actually delivery. I have also recently moved into an apartment with my boyfriend Brad, who is Cael's dad.

Life in the apartment is SUPER stressful. First of all, the previous tenant did not take care of this living space so there is mold...and rust...and there are stains on the carpet... But that's not the biggest problem. You guessed it, we have cockroaches. GIANT ones. The ones that have built up an immunity to pretty much everything we throw at them (other than bug bombs because of the chemicals). The peeling paint, stains, smells, and small space I can deal with but when one of these critters crawls out of the wall or onto the floor, I blow a gasket. I'm a pretty high-strung person as it is and this on top of pregnancy is more than I can bear...

Oh did I also mention I'm only 18 and still attending college? That piles on quite a lot of stress as well. I'm currently a freshman at Truman State University and I begin my second semester on January 11th. Not only do I now have to pay for this apartment, the food that goes in it, and any "entertainment" fees we have, but books and any lab fees as well. NOT fun...

Having Brad here with me in my last trimester has helped so much. He is my rock. He is my support. He has loved me even though I've been moody and mean a lot. He means as much to me as our son. Brad is my life and my love.

We've known each other for about a year and a half. We met through my best friend Miranda, who had been dating him at the time. Their relationship turned rocky and, though they didn't know it at the time, they had both turned to me for help. No, I did not attempt to sabotage their relationship. I was with a good boyfriend at the time their troubles started and I had worked my way through two more by the time they broke up. When Brad started talking to me again (after a nasty breakup with Miranda), it was to help me this time. Brandon had dumped me saying I was "too clingy" (though he was actually the one who proposed after 3 days of dating, texted me every second of every day, and got mad at me for not answering every single text, but whatever) and I had reverted to my "old ways," which is what I'll call it until somebody wants to know. He stopped me and told me that I was appreciated and loved, even if it wasn't from someone I expected. Our relationship and trust grew after that and, after about two weeks of talking, he asked me out. I had doubts about our relationship though. You see, he lived 3 hours away. I didn't think we would last. Boy, was I wrong. (almost) 13 months later, we are still together and having a baby. I love that he has stayed with me. I would NEVER dream of hurting him intentionally in any way. He has always been there for me, and I will gie him the same courtesy.

Well I hope to write a new blog installment every few days so for all those who are interested in reading my posts, thanks for reading. I really do appreciate it. Comment too, if you feel so inclined.

Thanks again. Until next time, live life as best as you can.