Woohoo Updates

This week has been...hectic...
From day one of motherhood, this has been hectic. Cael still won't sleep much at night, forcing Brad and me to stay up late, late, late. But that's to be expected, he's only 11 days old after all. I wish he would sleep as well as he does during the day at night. That would be amazing.
Everyone I've visited or brought Cael to see has said something to the effect of "You look great!" I don't feel like I look "great." Sometimes I don't even feel like I look good. I feel gross, like I haven't showered in forever--because most of the time I haven't had time... I'm ready to explode from lack of sleep... It's hard to stand up and it's even harder to walk... I can't do anything without falling asleep inside my brain. That's why I space out when I'm talking to people I see.
Am I really doing okay? That's a question I've been asking myself a lot... Physically, I'm doing wonderful. My ankles are tiny again, I'm losing the baby weight very quickly, and I'm healing up very quickly.
However, my appetite has really decreased. It's not like the "eating for two" thing has dropped off. Right now, I actually forget to eat during the day... I'm going to need to set reminders on my phone specifically to tell me to eat.

I don't know if my brain is okay either. I feel...I don't know. There's not really a word or phrase that can describe the state of mind I'm in. I'm happy beyond all belief. I have two personal angels in my life. But then again, something isn't as it should be, like my brain has a wall up around it. This is a familiar wall... And it's not a good sign.
 
Cael's umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday so he has a real belly button now. He also slept really well last night, only waking up twice (once for a feeding and once to replace the lost pacifier and do a diaper change). He now weighs 7 pounds and 5 ounces and has already grown 3/4 of an inch! He was weighed at our WIC certification appointment (he was being put on WIC, I was on it during pregnancy). I think WIC is a great program, by the way. It really helps when you don't have enough for rent and diapers and college and food. You can't really get a ton of stuff but it gets you the food you need. The only thing I don't like about it is you only get eight dollars to spend on fruits and vegetables during pregnancy. I don't know if you've thought about it but eight dollars doesn't buy you very much, even with frozen fruits and vegetables. Now that I'm listed as partially breastfeeding, I'm up to ten dollars for produce.
 
Going back to my job in the church nursery was easy. I could watch Cael and still spend time with all of the kids. We only had four last Sunday--Caleb, Joel, Haylea, and Taryn. They've all gotten so big, and I had only been away for a week! Haylea cried for her mom like she usually does, so we used Cael as a calming tool. "You need to be quiet or you'll wake the baby." That got her to be quiet very quickly. Every few minutes, Joel would run over to the baby carrier on the counter and shout "Beeeeeee!" very loudly and Taryn would point up at Cael, obviously wanting to look at him again. Caleb would put his hands up in a "Where is...?" way and say "Cael? Cael?" over and over. It was really cute.
 
Going back to school and work at JC Penney is going to be really hard... I'll have to be away from Cael for hours at a time... It hurt me just to leave him at my mom's house for an afternoon, how am I going to be able to handle school and work? Honestly, I don't think I will be able to... I think I'm going to end up cracking and try to drop out of school... But I really don't want to. I need that education. I need my degree. I need to be able to provide for Cael.
 
Well, I'm going to be a laundry Nazi today and try to buy out WalMart's stock of Enfamil A.R. formula. We're already out of it.